Family vs Work

The ultimate struggle. Work to support your family or simply support your family. This is the choice every parent has to make. 

Even before I had kids I always told myself that I would never choose work over my family. Period. I understand the choice isn't that black and white, but why isn't it?

Growing up I was lucky enough to have a dad that owned his own business. This gave him the opportunity to be at any of my events he wanted to be. Granted he was the coach of my soccer team, which were the main events of my whole childhood, so he sort of had to be there. Maybe that is why I feel the way I do. Being spoiled with that fact and being an only child for the majority of my childhood I was lucky to have my parents attend all of my events.

So work or family. I imagine lots of people will argue and say things like; "...I have deadlines..." "...so and so is sick so I have to cover their work..." "...we could really use the money...". While all of those are very real possibilities to choose work over family are they really valid. I mean REALLY valid? 

If you choose to work late to get a few extra hours on the paycheck is it worth it to come home to have your wife tell you, "Oh you should have seen Little Johnny. He was amazing tonight! He scored the game winning goal! You would have been so proud of him!"

"You WOULD have been so proud of him!"

That is something I never want to hear as a father. Of course you would feel proud. Obviously. What father wouldn't. At the same time, what father wouldn't want to be there, in that moment, to witness it for himself and feel that pride bursting from his chest. That is where I want to be. I want my kids to be able to look over at the side lines and see me there. Smiling ear to ear. To have him run over and give him a huge high five. That is what I want. 

I argue that the decision between work and family is very much black and white. You may just be clouded with other colors. Red being the major color that throws off the black and white decision making of this equation.

Paychecks and jobs come and go. Memories don't. Even in the digital age where everything can be recorded. Nothing compares to being in the moment, feeling the energy and actually experiencing it. At the end of the day your kids don't care how much money you made that day. They care that when they scored that game winning goal that you were there in the stands. That's what matters to them, and in the end, that is all that matters.

Boys Room

Gotta love the long weekend. Time to sit down, relax, put your feet up....oh wait, nevermind, we have kids. No such thing as long weekends, only busier weekends.

For the last week our boys have been sleeping on their mattresses on the floor. Not because we are poor, shitty parents. We were waiting for their beds to come in. Also seeing as Cooper is only 13 months we thought it would be good training and wouldn't mattered if he rolled off. I mean it wouldn't really matter if he rolled of the bed either way. Kids are made of rubber and that boy  has a hard head. He would just land with a thud and roll over.

Well lucky me, they came in, and what do you know, Lori gives me a deadline. Nap time, 1 hour, better hurry. At least the deadline was for after we got the beds upstairs. That in itself took about 30 minutes. Having only your pregnant wife around to help carry a 300 ton box upstairs is less than ideal. We managed. Barely. There were laughs, tears, pulled muscles but after 30 past my deadline one was constructed. The other had to wait until after nap time, and didn't take as long. Throw in some Minion decals and we are rolling.

After the beds came the closet. Thankfully Grandpa took the kids for the night so we could work late into the night. Yay!!

Beds by daddy, headboards by mommy

Technology & Kids

I know a few parents who are in a desperate fight to keep their kids away from technology. We all know too well the lengths we all go to trying to hide our smartphones while still keeping them within reach to keep an eye on our social media. For the most part we are all trying to instill the same childhood on our kids that we had. One full of play and imagination and social interaction. Well, as a gamer parent and a tech fiend I'm here to tell you that it is a losing battle.

Now I usually have Netflix on for the boys while we are downstairs and I am gaming on the PC, but during that time they are also playing with their trains or jumping around on the couches. And yes, we do have a screen in the vehicle, but that is only for long road trips. It isn't even in the car unless we are taking a long drive. However we do keep our phones away from the kids. At the moment there is a time and a place for technology. But that time is increase, and soon you won't be able to find a place that doesn't have some technological interface.

You see technology is only going to increase in scope, availability, and accessibility, exponentially from here on out.

“Technology has advanced more in the last thirty years than in the previous two thousand. The exponential increase in advancement will only continue.”

— Niels Bohr

Right now you are worried about your 2 year old playing with your smartphone and wondering at what age kids get phones now a days, I know we were thinking about that. I've heard parents say how their kid can work their phone better than themselves. Well in the next 10-14 years when they are at that age there might be something completely different that takes the role of phones as we see them now.

My first flip phone, which could call and send sms messages only was less than 15 years ago. Now your phone has your watch, day planner, phone book, web browser, email, social media, streaming video, music player, gps, camera, exercise companion, etc. Think of the next 15 years. You can't. You can't fathom it. Could your grandparents have dreamed of the idea of Skype/Facetime with their grandkids from across the world? Being able to see family in real time as compared to snail mail letters that they used to communicate with over the course of weeks. It's literally impossible to imagine what is coming.

Just as you are so detached from your parents "back in my day" stories, your kids will be rolling there eyes at you. You can already see evidence of it now. Do your kids even know what the icon for the save button is? Do you really think about what you are saying when you say, "roll up the window", "can you tape that show", or "hang up the phone". None of those really apply anymore. You don't roll up the windows, you don't tape things, and you don't hang up the phone any more.

You can't fight the advancement of technology. You can only learn and grow with it. Don't get stuck behind. Times are different, your kids have the power to connect to the entire world in an instant. What you can do is teach your kids about safety in the technological world. Namely on the internet, below are links to previous articles, mainly regarding kids and gaming, how to help protect them and how positive online communities can be.

Related articles;

What your Kids are Playing

How To Protect the Ones you Love

Online Community

Don't forget to like and share, I appreciate all of you. Thanks

What do you want it to be?

"We don't care as long as it's healthy."

Ever get that bullshit answer when you ask someone who is expecting what they want?

Then you are inevitably forced to back pedal with the whole, "Well yes, of course, I mean, obviously you want it to be healthy, but that's not what I meant..."

With two boys already we are really hoping for at least one girl. We've never  danced around that question. Not to mention the thought of having four boys scares the shit out of us!

Well, girls are really our second choice...this is a snapshot of the text message I got from Lori after her latest ultrasound...

Of course everyone wants a healthy baby. That's not what people are asking, it's kind of a given. Everyone involved with the conversation knows that a healthy baby is the primary concern. The point of the question is generally a great ice breaker that can then transition to names, then into what hobbies and/or sports. 

Can you really tell me you don't care what it is? Really? With 100% honesty?There isn't that little something deep down inside that makes you wish for one or the other. You haven't laid in bed thinking what it will be like to give your daughters hand to another man? You haven't been in the shower and smirked at getting a call from the cops to come pick up your son? You haven't thought about swimming lessons and how your little mermaid baby would excel and crush the competition? I have a hard time believing that you don't care what the sex is.

So next time someone asks what you hope you are having just answer the question. Let's all just assume that a healthy baby is obvious, 

5 Things that Working in a Kitchen Prepared Me for Fatherhood

Recently I was introduced to Scary Mommy. It's my new favorite blog to follow. If you're a new parent it is worth checking out, they tell it like it is and don't sugar coat it like friends and family tend to do. If you're a seasoned parent then it's a good laugh.

One post recently by Bugs, Dirt & Mommy was about how being a server prepared her for motherhood. She tells it from the front of house side.

So here's mine take from the back of house.

I've always said everyone should work in a restaurant at least once. One year of service, minimum. Whether it be front or back of house, put in your time. You'll learn valuable skills for living on your own and, clearly, take those lessons in parenthood.

I spent years in kitchens. One major chain and a small golf course. I appreciated having both experiences of the structured chain and the unstructured golf course, I took lessons from both.

1. Take care of your servers. If you can keep your servers happy it makes their lives a whole lot easier. You've all heard horror stories from servers, so making things easier on them is the best thing you can do for them. I know I would never want to deal with customers, I have a huge respect for servers. In an unstructured restaurant the tip out can bend in your favor if your servers like you.

How does this translate to parenthood? Help your partner. As much as you can. If your wife is the front line of the war of parenthood then it's your job to be the cavalry. You do everything in your power to help behind the lines. If she's made supper and is busy changing diapers then you do the dishes. The more you can help out the team the better it is for everyone. Remember that point about the tips? Ya it translates here, happy wife = happy life.

2. Teamwork & communication. The best way to be a good team player and have a winning team is communication. You can see it in sports, gaming and restaurants.

I was always a shy kid, in my first restaurant job I was told by my managers that I had to "find my voice". It's tough to work as a team when your front line can't hear when you're ready to put food up in the middle of a dinner rush.

Since finding my voice from the back line I moved to the front line, worked by myself in a kitchen, coached soccer teams, organised strategies in games and now moved in to more of a leadership role in my current career.

Nowadays it helps me rally troops when it's time to get in the car every morning to get the kids to day home and us to work on time. "Finding my voice" was one of the best things I took from my experiences in the kitchen. I don't know where you ladies are but thank you Jen and Carmen.

3. Working under pressure. Dinner rush. As far as I know all restaurant employees have a love/hate relationship with the dinner rush. I know I did. You're standing there, station fully stocked, knifes & towels at the ready, waiting for that first family to be seated. Before they are seated 7 more have come through the door. Then you hear it, that printer starts to spit out its first bill of the night. Here we go! Three hours pass by in a blink of an eye and you're exhausted, sweaty and jacked full of adrenaline.

I actually miss the rush, but it's part of the reason my wife and I love to host the big dinners. While it's only a service to a few families, it still brings a similar rush. It's also the reason I can handle two kids screaming while two dogs are barking because the delivery guy is at the door. I now thrive off the rush of pressure. Deadlines don't stress me out. My wife has also figured this out, if she wants a project done she'll schedule a party and tell me it has to be done by then.

4. The dish pit. If you've never worked in a restaurant you've never seen "the gunk". The slurry of a three hour rush of dishes with scraps of food. The stuff that ends up and the bottom of the sink. The stuff you have to scoop out by hand at the end of the night. Not many can handle it. My wife and coworkers at my office job gag when I reach in, scoop it out of the sink and slap it into the garbage bin. When you can deal with touching soggy food that has been in and around hundreds of different peoples' mouths anything that comes out of a child is easy.

5. "If you've got time to lean you've got time to clean". This is a mantra not only in kitchens but most retail jobs as well. There is no such thing as downtime. If you're not doing anything important, you're cleaning. Kids are no different. There is always something to be cleaned. High chairs, toys, bathtub, playroom, the house, the car, the yard...you get the idea.

With that said I share Bugs, Dirt & Mommy's opinion of getting your kids into the industry. Front or back of house there are lessons to be learned. Cooking, cleaning, teamwork, leadership, friendship, etc. Things you need to know to survive on your own. The service industry is a goldmine of life lessons. While they might bitch about it at the time like we did, it will end up being beneficial. I implore all parents to do the same.