10 Parenting Commandments

Parody of the late, great, Biggie Smalls' "The Ten Crack Commandments" Link if you don't know the song, don't know the lyrics, need a refresher or just love the song. Sing along.

TEN PARENTING COMMANDMENTS

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9

It's the Ten Parenting Commandments, what?
DINKs can't tell me nothing about this parenting
Can't tell me nothing about these kids, these diapers, my working parents
Parents on the bus corner I ain't forget you parents, my triple kid parents

I've been in this game for years, it made me a parental
It's rules to this shit, I wrote me a manual
A step-by-step booklet for you to get
Your dependents on track, not your hair line pushed back

Rule Number Uno, never let kids know
How much candy you hold cause you know
The Smarties breed jealousy 'specially
If that kid messes up, get yo' stash scooped up

Number 2, never let 'em know your next move
Don't you know kids hear plans in silence while hidding?
Take it from your highness
I done changed grandma plans and these kids threw fits and fists

Number 3, never trust "no potty"
Your kids'll set their ass up, properly backed up
Diapered and clothed up, shit, for that mass dump
She be sitting in the car seat waiting to mess your day up

Number 4, I know you heard this before
They grow up fast, make the memories last

Number 5, never tell your friends where your kids at
I don't care if they want to dance, tell 'em bounce!

Number 6, that goddamn Wi-Fi? Dead it
You think a kids playing out back, shit forget it!

7, this rule is so underrated
Keep your family and business completely separated
Work and Life don't mix like 2 Pups and no Ryder
Find yourself too serious a provider

Number 8, always keep some wipes on you!
Them kids squeeze yogurt tubes and gummies too.

Number 9 shoulda been Number 1 to me,
If you ain't going to the park stay away from that street
If kids think they're playin' they ain't trying to listen
They'll be sittin in your van, waiting to start whinin'

Number 10, a strong word called bedtime
Strictly regimented, not up for contention
If you ain't got the patience, say "hell no!"
'Cause they gon' want to stay up rain, sleet, hail, snow

Follow these rules you'll have great kids to grow up
If not, 24 years still eating your food up
Mud hit your Tempo, watch your water bill raise up
Daughter did your dogs makeup, when you napped
Your boy pulled the rake up, edger and mower
He got the whole yard spruced up
Heard if he gets his chores done he and his friends can meet up
Gotta go gotta go, more Pampers to change up, word up

Discipline starts at the dinner table

One thing people always say about our kids is how polite they are. That's no accident. Manners are very important to me, they were instilled on me when I was younger. My grandmother was very old school, British, and Catholic. I remember when all 8 of us grandchildren received our own nice, thick book about etiquette. At grandma's house there were no elbows on the table, no talking with your mouth full, and everyone helped prep and clean up. All that stuck with me, and I'm being sure to pass that on.

At the dinner table there are rules. We always sit down as a family, we, Lori and I, put away our phones, and the boys are not allowed toys at the table. We sit and we talk. We talk about our day, "How was work?", "How was dayhome?", etc. 

As a kid, even with both my parents owning their own businesses, school, summer jobs, sports, we always sat as a family and ate dinner together. Even if it was a quick meal between some of those things, it was together. Dinner is usually the only time of day when most families will be together.  It's hard, but it is very important. It builds manners, conversation skills, patience, courtesy for others, sharing.

Nobody gets anything without a please and a thank you. Nobody leaves the table until we are all done eating. Nobody gets down from the table until they ask politely. "Please daddy I get down?". Once they are down they take their dishes to the sink, and they wash their hands. DOn't get me wrong, it has taken time, and there are still times when they will run off, but every time they are forced to come back, climb back on their chairs and ask politely.

Repetition is the mother of mastery. Dishes go in the sink, what stems from that? Anytime they finish a snack, be it a plate or a wrapper, it goes in the sink (as the garbage has a child lock on it). At bath time clothes go in the laundry hamper. Shoes go in the shoe box. Toys go in the toy box. So on. Teaching them to clean up after themselves now will only help us, and them, in the future.

Same with Please & Thank yous, they start at the table and are expected at any other time. They want a snack, if they ask without a please I will stare at them, or ask them to say it again. They want to watch a show, go outside, play in their pool, anything. Permission and please & thanks yous. Usually on the third or fourth time they will remember the magic word. They have started to catch on, sometimes they'll say please the first or second time now.

Be diligent, for there is nothing more important than manners. Have you ever been out and watched someone, a grown adult, ask for something without a please? Have you seen the disdain in the server's face? Or yourself felt uneasy about it? Bad manners are one of the biggest things that turns me off of a person more than anything. I don't want anyone to feel that way about my kids, whether it be other kids or adults.

Thanks for reading and following. Please feel free to leave a comment.

Vast difference in my Vasa Deferens

THE OTHER 'V' CARD

**Graphic Warning**

The photos at the end of the post some people may find offensive. They are close up shots so you can't really see anything but you know what you're looking at.

**Graphic Warning**

Dr. Lohlun's site

“...A human being will exit your wife, so she’s done enough...”

— Ryan Reynolds

I think of this quote when talk of vasectomies come up and people talk about not being able to do it.

With four kids we decided that that was quite enough madness. So we made the responsible decision of getting me snipped. Neutered. Firing blanks. Bob Barkered. "Devenomizing the cobra". "100% juice, no seeds".

Obviously I took pictures, to share with everyone, because that's what I do. Now, while graphic, these are not being posted to shock and disgust. I find that a lot of people my age don't know a lot about this sort of thing. This post is meant to educate.

When the choice comes up for permanent birth control between a couple there are a few options, the woman gets tied or the man gets snipped. All I know about the female procedure is that it can be lengthy and dangerous, it is a surgery after all.

As for the No-Scalpel technique that I got, it was fast and easy. I didn't feel a thing after the anesthetic. From entering Dr. Lohlun's clinic to walking out the door was a total of 20 minutes. 

Of that time quite a bit of it was waiting. We were in the waiting room for a few minutes then we were lead to the operating room. Told to drop trou and relax.

The Dr came in, made some small talk, remembered things we had talked about weeks ago during my consultation, asked about the kids. It's that sort of thing that really makes you feel comfortable, I wasn't just another patient to him. Believe me, this is a place where you want ever opportunity to be made to feel comfortable.

The Dr. applied the iodine, froze my sack and away we went. Lori and I were a little bit hesitant as they started off by bickering about what was on the television. I thought their attention should have been focused on the matter at hand but realized that they were waiting for the anesthetic to set in. 

The hardest part of the whole thing....

He cut a hole in the sack, pulled out one of my vasa deferens, cut, cauterized, shoved back in, rinse and repeat.

The process was so easy and so quick. I even got bored at one point so went on Facebook. If you are thinking about doing it and are unsure about it know that it is way better than it used to be. Recovery is faster, success rate is higher and complications are lower. And Dr. Lohlun was awesome, I would recommend him to anyone that is planning on doing this.

graphic warning

Family vs Work

The ultimate struggle. Work to support your family or simply support your family. This is the choice every parent has to make. 

Even before I had kids I always told myself that I would never choose work over my family. Period. I understand the choice isn't that black and white, but why isn't it?

Growing up I was lucky enough to have a dad that owned his own business. This gave him the opportunity to be at any of my events he wanted to be. Granted he was the coach of my soccer team, which were the main events of my whole childhood, so he sort of had to be there. Maybe that is why I feel the way I do. Being spoiled with that fact and being an only child for the majority of my childhood I was lucky to have my parents attend all of my events.

So work or family. I imagine lots of people will argue and say things like; "...I have deadlines..." "...so and so is sick so I have to cover their work..." "...we could really use the money...". While all of those are very real possibilities to choose work over family are they really valid. I mean REALLY valid? 

If you choose to work late to get a few extra hours on the paycheck is it worth it to come home to have your wife tell you, "Oh you should have seen Little Johnny. He was amazing tonight! He scored the game winning goal! You would have been so proud of him!"

"You WOULD have been so proud of him!"

That is something I never want to hear as a father. Of course you would feel proud. Obviously. What father wouldn't. At the same time, what father wouldn't want to be there, in that moment, to witness it for himself and feel that pride bursting from his chest. That is where I want to be. I want my kids to be able to look over at the side lines and see me there. Smiling ear to ear. To have him run over and give him a huge high five. That is what I want. 

I argue that the decision between work and family is very much black and white. You may just be clouded with other colors. Red being the major color that throws off the black and white decision making of this equation.

Paychecks and jobs come and go. Memories don't. Even in the digital age where everything can be recorded. Nothing compares to being in the moment, feeling the energy and actually experiencing it. At the end of the day your kids don't care how much money you made that day. They care that when they scored that game winning goal that you were there in the stands. That's what matters to them, and in the end, that is all that matters.