Parody of the late, great, Biggie Smalls' "The Ten Crack Commandments" Link if you don't know the song, don't know the lyrics, need a refresher or just love the song. Sing along.
TEN PARENTING COMMANDMENTS
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9
It's the Ten Parenting Commandments, what?
DINKs can't tell me nothing about this parenting
Can't tell me nothing about these kids, these diapers, my working parents
Parents on the bus corner I ain't forget you parents, my triple kid parents
I've been in this game for years, it made me a parental
It's rules to this shit, I wrote me a manual
A step-by-step booklet for you to get
Your dependents on track, not your hair line pushed back
Rule Number Uno, never let kids know
How much candy you hold cause you know
The Smarties breed jealousy 'specially
If that kid messes up, get yo' stash scooped up
Number 2, never let 'em know your next move
Don't you know kids hear plans in silence while hidding?
Take it from your highness
I done changed grandma plans and these kids threw fits and fists
Number 3, never trust "no potty"
Your kids'll set their ass up, properly backed up
Diapered and clothed up, shit, for that mass dump
She be sitting in the car seat waiting to mess your day up
Number 4, I know you heard this before
They grow up fast, make the memories last
Number 5, never tell your friends where your kids at
I don't care if they want to dance, tell 'em bounce!
Number 6, that goddamn Wi-Fi? Dead it
You think a kids playing out back, shit forget it!
7, this rule is so underrated
Keep your family and business completely separated
Work and Life don't mix like 2 Pups and no Ryder
Find yourself too serious a provider
Number 8, always keep some wipes on you!
Them kids squeeze yogurt tubes and gummies too.
Number 9 shoulda been Number 1 to me,
If you ain't going to the park stay away from that street
If kids think they're playin' they ain't trying to listen
They'll be sittin in your van, waiting to start whinin'
Number 10, a strong word called bedtime
Strictly regimented, not up for contention
If you ain't got the patience, say "hell no!"
'Cause they gon' want to stay up rain, sleet, hail, snow
Follow these rules you'll have great kids to grow up
If not, 24 years still eating your food up
Mud hit your Tempo, watch your water bill raise up
Daughter did your dogs makeup, when you napped
Your boy pulled the rake up, edger and mower
He got the whole yard spruced up
Heard if he gets his chores done he and his friends can meet up
Gotta go gotta go, more Pampers to change up, word up