The key to life...

The key to life is excess in moderation. They'll tell you that moderation is the key to life and the people who tell you that are those full of shit people who think buying drugs is easier than buying a newspaper. They've never done dick with their lives, you have to stretch it out every now and then if your gonna have any fun at all. 

Don't drink a couple of beers every night after work. Pick one night out of the week, like tonight, and drink ALL the beers at once. Get completely shitty. Find your range. Tell the person that your sitting next to what you've really been thinking about them for the last 6 days, and then apologize for the next 6 days, and then start over. 

You can't play in the middle of the road if you've never seen the far curb. You don't know where the middle is really. Push yourself. 

Don't get$15 crack whores, but one time in life save up and on some new years eve when your all alone get that $1500 hot Hiedi Flice call girl. The kind of girl that would never fuck you otherwise, and then you do weird shit. Dress her up in a Bigbird costume with a football helmet and a strap on and have her wail on you with a bicycle chain for an hour. Wake up with a story you would be proud to tell your friends. 

Don't eat a mushroom stem and see colors, eat the whole bag and see God one time in your life. A real God not some storybook bullshit God that has been kicked into your head for the last 2000 years that you just accept with no logic what so ever. A real God that works for you. Anytime you deny your own logic you deny your own instincts and you deny your own God. 

And don't learn from other peoples mistakes, that's the worst advice you could ever get. Other people are morons. You might be the first guy who can do it right and be a hero for all of use. Take a chance and learn to fly there Orvile Wright. 

-Doug Stanhope